What a difference a year makes...
It's about that time, when all of us become a bit more introspective and reflect on our experiences over the last year and how they have changed us, for better or for worse. We make promises to be better, thinner, or healthier and we draft a laundry list of "to-do's" for the year ahead. Once that ball drops, our slate is wiped clean and we are offered a fresh start.
For most people, the opportunity to start anew is a welcome one. And, if I'm being honest, in the past, I too have felt the magic that the holidays bring and the mystery of the start of a new year.
But, this year.... this year, without a doubt, brings with it some of the most complicated and contradictory feelings of my adult life.
I am thrilled to be a newlywed - thrilled! Hubs and I (note the name change) are settling into married life quite well and are having an absolute blast setting up our new home. It's the stuff of fairytales...truly.
But, in the moments when I am most sincerely honest with myself, there is a sneaking sense of, dare I say, disappointment that 2010 has come to a close.
The end of 2009 was marked by a proposal and a gorgeous diamond ring which catapulted us into a season of planning and excitement. On the Eve of 2010, Hubs and I stole a few moments alone and toasted to the coming year and the thrilling promises it held.
And those promises came true!
As The Big Day drew near, the mounting anticipation only grew, and finally, it was weeks away.
However, amidst the highest of highs, mid-October brought with it some of life's lowest lows. My grandfather, with whom I've been very close my entire life, suddenly grew incredibly ill and was admitted to the hospital. It was indeed frightening, but it was something we'd experienced before with his various ailments. In the past, we'd been terrified, but he'd always managed to pull through.
I had never envisioned my wedding day without all 4 of my grandparents present. In fact, I'd never experienced any of life's mile markers without them -- birthdays, graduations, dance performances, inductions into the National Honor Society... You name it - there they would be, first on line and saving seats at the very front of the venue.
Naturally, I assumed my wedding day would look much the same as all of these other momentous occasions (but with a much better outfit!) - but I couldn't have been more wrong.
On October 12th, my brother and his beautiful wife welcomed into this world their first child. She is gorgeous, an absolutely breathtaking sight. I became an Aunt for the first time and my parents are now Grandma and Grandpa.
Simultaneously, my grandfather was growing increasingly worse. We recognized the severity of the situation and spent countless hours at his side at the hospital. He even had the chance to video chat with his new great-granddaughter {I'll always be thankful for technology, even if only for that one moment}. But, two days later, on October 14th, with his family around him, my grandfather slipped into a peaceful sleep and never woke up.
In a moment, I went from a glowing bride-to-be to a little girl whose world had been shaken and shattered.
It was a challenge I had not been prepared for - but I am steadfast in my belief that on our wedding day, my grandfather was watching us from the best seat in the house, just as he always was.
So here I am. The holidays were very different this year and it is now 2011. I'm a workaholic by day and a blissfully happy newlywed by night. And do not get me wrong: Married. Life. Rocks. This year may not be about china patterns, centerpieces, and seating arrangements, but I am confident that the future holds promises I've never even considered...
Happy New Year - I wish you all the best in 2011!
