A few months ago, I shamelessly revealed my not-so-minor obsession with the Royal Wedding. I'll admit, it even gave me great comfort, if not overwhelming joy, to realize I was not alone in my brief love affair with the British Monarchy.
As time passed though, my colleagues put away their plastic crowns and tossed out their sashes. I, however, hang mine proudly in my cubicle as a reminder that I'm a Princess Too. Since then, as I've endeavored to live out that truth every day, I've found myself engaged in fascinating conversations with a special co-worker about the importance of sharing that with other women. She challenged me to write down instructions for those Princesses-in-Training who desperately need a road map to realize their true Royalty. So here goes, take notes.
Instructions on How to be a Princess
1. Say it. The first step to believing it is saying it out loud. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, I am Royalty – I must act accordingly and deserve to be treated as such.
2. Get dressed. Don’t settle for frumpy and unflattering when you can “play the role” for the day by dressing up. Let your outfit reflect your personality and a cheerful heart. Be whatever character you want to be that day and put yourself together. When you look good, you feel good.
3. Chin up. Just like you learned in ballet class – walk with your shoulders down and back, your chin up and your stomach held in. You’ll look and feel more confident and be toning your abs and back muscles at the same time – win win!
4. Smile. They say just the simple act of smiling releases endorphins in your brain that course through your system and elevate your mood. Happiness and smiles are contagious too, so spread them to others.
5. Take joy in the life and happiness of others. We so often feel compelled to share our own stories, dramas and accomplishments; making the conscious decision to listen to the stories of others and take sincere interest and joy in them, will strengthen the bond between you and another person and give you the same satisfaction that comes from helping out with a charity or reading a book with a child.
6. Be kind and gracious. Please and thank you’s are more important than we often care to remember. The simple act of opening the door for someone who has their arms full or thanking the bus-boy who clears your plates at the end of a meal can make or break someone’s day. And make eye contact while you do it. Human connection is the key to a fruitful life while we’re on this earth and so many people just float through their existence feeling ignored, unwelcome, or unimportant. Your simple actions can make someone feel noticed and relevant and you’ll be feeding your heart at the same time.
7. Use your words to encourage others. There is nothing more gratifying than making someone else feel good about herself. Compliment your neighbour on her outfit; tell your co-worker she really knocked it out of the park on her presentation; when someone impresses you, let them know.
8. Count your blessings - literally. We have become a culture of complainers. We want what she has; we’re bored with this and want that now. Taking the time to make a numbered list of the blessings in your life will floor you and make it nearly impossible for you to justify complaining. Count everything from the breath you breathe, to the shoes on your feet, to the loved ones around you. Name the roof over your head, the food on your table and the sight to see a clear blue sky or sunset. And when you can’t possibly add another item to the list, give thanks with wild and reckless abandon.
9. Give. Give of your time, of your energy, of your money, of your love and of your talents – and do it selflessly. You have no idea the blessing you can be in the life of another, whether it be your spouse or a complete stranger, from giving any of these.
10. Regard yourself the way you want others to. We can’t expect the people in our lives, or in the world at large, to respect us and treat us like the Royalty we are, if we don’t even treat ourselves as such. Stop with the self-deprecating, disparaging remarks about how you look, how much you weigh, what you make, or where you live. These are called “heart attacks” and you are launching them upon yourself – each one takes a stab at your heart until the valves close completely, shutting you off from a life-sustaining supply of love. Just like eating a healthy diet and exercising will make your heart strong, so too will the exercise of recognizing the beauty that can resonate from within you, if only you would let it.
From time to time, I am struck with an overwhelming sense of selfishness.There, I said it.I believe, or at least hope, that for the most part, I am regarded as a generous, self-sacrificing person. I love giving -- of myself, of my time, of my money. But sometimes, the wave I never see coming washes over me and swallows me whole, until I am swimming in an ocean of "Me".
When you get married, you are instructed, if not implored, to think first of your spouse -- always. I once heard that the beauty of marriage is no longer needing to worry about yourself because the other is doing that for you. And in truth, if you are committed to each other, to your relationship and to a loving God, it is really not that difficult...most of the time.
But right now, I need a moment of confession. I've come down with a severe case of the "what-about-me's". A curable condition, no doubt, but one that takes nothing short of a heart transplant to be completely restored.
Big things are happening in our world right now. As if getting married and moving to the 'burbs just nine months ago wasn't big enough, we're now making plans for our future.
Hubs is diligently studying for the GMAT -- an endeavor most definitely not for the faint of heart. He is planning to take his first test next week and will complete another round of studying before taking it again in October (all while still working his very full-time job) and submitting his applications to Business School. He has, quite frankly, been working his tail off since March and words cannot begin to express how impressed I am by my husband.
In the meantime, we're researching MBA programs and envisioning where we may want to spend the next two years. Like I said... big things.
However, amidst the plans we're starting to craft and the dreams we're striving to build, I'm not sure where I fit into the picture...
Of course, I'm the supportive wife -- encouraging when I can, listening when I need to and praying for wisdom in how best to steer my husband when he second-guesses himself. I'm trying to pick up the slack around the house, making sure we have lunch in the fridge, dinner on the table and dishes in the washer before bed. I've halted our summer social plans and made sure the ringer is turned off when he sits down for a practice exam.
But when asked by a dear friend what is going on in my life, my answer is, "well, Hubs is studying for the GMAT and we're working on B-School applications". Which is, needless to say, often met with a quizzical expression. It's just an honest answer. Frankly, there's just not much going on that is about me.
Now, before you jump down my throat and accuse me of being a terrible wife, let me say that I'm fully aware that Hubs and I are a team. What is happening in the life of one, is most definitely relevant, if not at the center, of the life of the other. And I am thrilled at his ambition and the goal that we are both working towards.
However, my confession remains the same, the "what-about-me's" are dragging me down.
Despite my tendency to always at least sound like I have the perfect answer to all of the issues brought up in this tiny cyber world, I have to admit, I'm at a bit of a loss here. I think I've taken big steps in diagnosing the problem and I think I'm more than prepared to say that my heart needs a bit of a recalibration (especially in the times I feel the the pressure to lash out about having to cook AND clean up, or wash AND fold the laundry, or any of the other things that used to be shared responsibilities and have now fallen to me). I'm just not sure where to start...
A few steps to consider...
#1 God's word is definitely a good place to begin. I want to give over my frustrations to the Lord and confess that I've succumbed to the sinful nature of putting myself at the center of the universe (yet again). I noticed the other day that the same friend who asked me what was going on in my life was wearing a bracelet with the words I AM SECOND printed on it. I was floored by the power of the message, especially considering what my heart was grappling with at the time.
I. AM. SECOND.
It helped me re-jigger my "what-about-me" feelings and transform them into "what-about-God" feelings.
#2 Asking for wisdom and guidance to fulfill God's plan never fails. I can't shake the sense that this time in our life -- which, for me, has recently been characterized by boredom or loneliness while Hubs studies -- is an opportunity to pour myself into something. I just don't know what that "something" is and I want to make sure it is "something" heart healthy and in line with God's plans for me.
So where does that leave me?
I guess those two steps are the first in a total heart makeover, as I strive to rejoice in putting myself second, both to God and to my husband.
Check out I am Second and find out more about living for God and for others.
