Over
the last few years, a discussion has emerged about women "having it
all". Anne-Marie Slaughter took a courageous stand on the issue in The
Atlantic last
summer, President of Barnard College (my alma mater), Debora Spar, answered
with her own commentary a few months later. Sheryl Sandberg published her
perspective on women in leadership roles in her book Lean In this spring, and most recently, TIME
Magazine published a cover story about having it all through "The
Childfree Life".
I
am certainly not naive enough to believe that this discussion is in any way
new. In fact, since the dawn of time, we have struggled to define the role of
women in society. However, I can't help but read all of these pieces and filter
this conversation through the lens of a woman's desire to feel fulfilled.
Regardless
of our stage in life, each of us desires to be fulfilled. We strive to
accomplish this goal in any number of ways. We fill our stomachs with food, our
closets with clothes and shoes, our homes with stuff, our heads with knowledge,
our resumes with accomplishments, our beds with men, and our wombs with
babies.
The
struggle is universal, but often the manifestation is unique.
As I
prepare to take my first steps into my new role as a mother, I am
confronted with what it means for me to be fulfilled.
My
personality is such that I work hard, I am competitive and I seek recognition
for my efforts. I excelled in the
classroom because I was driven by the goal of consistently getting great
grades. I competed in dance with the ambition to hold a trophy over my head. I
go above and beyond at work with the hope of saving the occasional email of
congratulations with all “the right people” copied on it. But in motherhood, there are no awards,
no bosses to cc and no promotions to earn. I will have to learn a new way of
benchmarking myself altogether.
Honestly,
that scares me.
I’ve
witnessed mothers who mark their successes by their children’s achievements. I
am embarrassed to admit it, but if not watched carefully, mine is a personality
that can easily take that opportunity and run with it.
I
have also witnessed mothers who humbly step into this role without the
expectation of recognition and with no desire for competition. These women
recognize that no amount of mothering will establish their self worth, but
rather, their being a child of God is the only thing that can define them. That
is the kind of mother I want to be. That is the kind of faith I want to portray
for my children.
I
used to focus so heavily on the idea that I want my children to be proud of me,
to think I am impressive. But as the day grows nearer that my son will enter
this world, more than anything, I want him to see my faith and obedience to
Christ as something to emulate and find for himself.
I may
never stop trying to have a closet full of nice shoes and clothes, but I can
wake every day comforted by the knowledge that the only thing in this world
that can fill the empty places in my heart are my God. We were created to dwell
in Him and allow Him to dwell in us. That is the kind of fulfilled I am striving
to be.
