And so we continue the lessons.... this one, I can tell you, will likely be a multi-parter, as I haven't quite got it down pat yet.Sharing. What a fascinating concept - especially in marriage.
First things first, I must make a confession -- I am not great at sharing.
{I hear the low chuckle of my friends and family who are reading this}.
I'm just not though; and frankly, I think it is a simple case of lacking experience. In my life, I never shared a bedroom with a sibling, a closet, not even so much as a bathroom. Even in the cramped living quarters of college life and the years thereafter, I managed to weasel my way into having private, personal space that was all my own -- and let me tell you, that is no easy task in a forced triple dorm room in New York City.
Again, if I'm being honest, I'll admit that these steps were taken deliberately and with a great deal of care. In fact, before starting my freshman year at Barnard, I moved in a full day earlier than the rest of my floor, to ensure that I'd have my pick of space.
Et voila! I arrived at my sorry excuse for a dorm room (it was truly an attic space with dormers and only one window the size of a small flat screen TV) and quickly realized that the layout allowed for two beds on one side of the room and a third on the other. The lone third bed also enjoyed prime proximity to the closet space. Decision made.
And so I set to work making my new bed and finding acceptable homes for my (many) belongings and clothes.
It continued in that way for the remaining three years and then on into my post-college NYC apartments. I always managed to find myself with plenty of private space to call my own.
Now, before I go any farther, I want to make it clear that while I'm challenged in the sharing department, I more than make up for it in giving (and receiving). I. AM. A. GIVER. -- I give gifts (a lot of gifts), I give time, energy, opinions, money -- you name it, I give it. That said, I give with the clear understanding that those who are on the receiving end now have ownership over whatever it is I gave. I give it and it is now yours.
In much the same way, when I receive anything, I do so under the assumption that it is then mine.
Give - receive. Easy peasy.
And once again I say.... and then I got married...
My oh my the things you share in a marriage! Frankly, the sharing of the spiritual, emotional, and mental components of our marriage is enjoyable and challenging. I welcome opportunities to share in Hubs' frustrations, joys, and accomplishments. Where I get tripped up though, is in the sharing of physical objects and of course, space.
Exhibit A -- The Closet
In my 25 years of life I have accumulated an impressive (and alarming) amount of stuff. That's all it is - stuff. Clothes, shoes, books, bags. makeup, hair products, electronics, accessories -- there is literally a ton of it. Fortunately, for the first time since I moved away from home, I live in a house that is more than capable of accommodating all of it.
We have more closets than I could have hoped for and entire rooms begging to be filled with objects. However, there are a few things I insist on keeping close by. (1) All of my bathroom products; (2) My clothes, shoes and bags. In the 6 months that we've lived in this home, I've done my best to draw an invisible line between my side of the closet and Hubs'. Sometimes though -- like last week -- my items encroach on and even breach that line. "Commandeering space" as Hubs says. I'm a regular old Closet Pirate {arrgghhh}.
It isn't that I don't understand his need for closet space, it is just that I have more items for which to find a home. When he's not using the space allotted to him, I subconsciously take it as an invitation to fill it with my own belongings. Bad mistake. See the line. Respect the line.
Exhibit B -- Our new iPad
The other day, we broke down, sold out, and joined the future - we marched into the Apple Store and 30 minutes later walked out with a brand new iPad.
For a girl who longs for the days of her LG flip phone, this was a big step. I'm still not 100% sure how I'm going to make use of this newfangled gadget that everyone seems so enamored with, but I'm pretty certain I'm going to die trying to figure that out.
The challenge here though, is that you'll note I said we walked out with A new iPad - as in one. A new toy and a new lesson to be learned.
It has been three days and we're off to a rocky start. I want to spend time losing shamelessly at "Words with Friends" while Hubs can't tear himself away from "Angry Birds". And, since our limited knowledge of its functionality doesn't extend too far past those two Apps, we're trying to sort out how best to split the time evenly, while still managing to make time for each other.
As I said, it has been three days and tonight I even went so far as to say "it looks like we're either going to need to get me my own, or we should just return this one now". Sharing.Fail.
Stay tuned...
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