It has been a while since I last posted in the Marriage Lessons series, although that is not to say I haven't learned anything since August. This most recent lesson is one that my husband actively strives to reinforce on a regular basis and in turn, I've found myself doing the same, so I felt compelled to share it.
The art of "please" and "thank you" is something we are taught from infancy. You can hear your mother's voice in your head reminding you, "how do we ask nicely for what we want?" or "what do you say to the nice lady who gave you that cookie?". However, when we enter our marriages, those simple practices, all too often, fly right out the window. And what a mistake we're making by allowing that to happen!
This past weekend, hubs and I had the honor of hosting an engagement party for our dear friends. The two met, believe it or not, at our wedding, so we feel a particularly special bond to this couple. We were overjoyed to celebrate with them and 25 of their closest friends and family at our home.
In the last year, I've found a passion for cooking, entertaining and homemaking, so I was eager to show off my acquired skills and host this soiree. If you've ever hosted a large get-together at your house (and didn't have it catered) you know how much work goes into it. There are invitations (hard copy, not Facebook), menu planning, grocery shopping, trips to the liquor store, cleaning and decorating the house, set-up, and of course cooking and presenting the meal. That's not even mentioning the cleanup afterwards and the odd stranger who asks if they can spend the night.
In these high-stress situations, it couldn't be more important than to have your spouse as your ally and yet we know all too well the number of arguments that break out in the days preceding an event like this. We have hosted a few of these parties in our home since moving in last year, so we were fortunate to be able to recognize the tell-tale signs of potential fights and worked to stave them off.
Each time I was tempted to don my I-Know-Best Voice, I quickly changed my tactic knowing he wouldn't respond well. Each time I made a request to pick this up or move that out of the kitchen, I asked calmly and always with a "please". In turn, he responded quickly, knowing that unwelcome clutter in my cooking space would threaten to upset my composure. He anticipated my requests, setting up the bar and running out to get ice without my needing to ask. Each time he completed a task he was met with a "thank you" - and a sincere one at that. I too was thanked repeatedly - he never missed an opportunity to tell me how much he appreciated my hard work.
As a whole, Hubs and I took on our hosting responsibilities as a team. We chose the invites together and printed, stuffed and stamped them at our house (which was most definitely a group effort). We planned the menu together. We went grocery shopping together and split responsibilities of going to the bakery and the liquor store. We cleaned the house together, arranged our wall hangings together and divided jobs like designing the dining room and setting up the bar. All without screaming at, let alone killing each other!
In the hours before the guests arrived, if I ever had a momentary breakdown, he was there to comfort me and help me think through the problem calmly. He asked how he could help. He complimented the food I made and even took time to mention how pretty I looked.
As the night developed, we continued our team approach. He was charming and conversational while I finished cooking. He replenished food and drinks when it was clear I just need five minutes to sit down. He gave a touching toast and I said grace before dinner was served. And he even found time to invite me to dance (even if we were interrupted after just a moment so he could move cars around in the driveway). Our seamless cooperation was noticed by others at the party, and if I'm being honest, it made us both really proud.
Our mission was to throw a memorable engagement party for a couple we care deeply about. The result was something so much more gratifying. We were able to bring glory to God by really living out the blessing of marriage before an audience of people who differed vastly in their opinions of the institution. We felt privileged to be shining a light on one of His most precious gifts and it all started with a "please" and a "thank you".
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