No one said we were being graded!

Something they failed to mention in our "pre-conception" meeting with the doctor was that pregnancy is like a standardized test. Not just any standardized test - not the SAT where you have the freedom to go back and rethink answers you are unsure of or complete questions you may have skipped. No. It's like the GMAT - a computerized adaptive test with an iterative algorithm that adapts its level of difficulty as you progress. Said another way, pregnancy is a test during which you never quite know how you are doing, you have no ability to go back to earlier questions and the target feels like it just keeps moving! And on top of that, it's a test you didn't even know you were taking, let alone being graded on!

I'm not sure if other pregnant women feel this way, but I have definitely experienced an extreme level of self doubt as I've navigated this exam. I think that level of uncertainty comes from the sheer volume of information (solicited and unsolicited) being thrown your way from the moment you say "we're thinking of starting a family."

While you are trying to conceive, your age is called into question....

Too young - you need to focus on your career, paying off your loans, your husband, etc. 

Too old - you should have thought about this years ago, it's going to be so hard for you now.

Your methods are challenged...

You should be charting from the start

No, just relax and don't even think about charting 

You can definitely keep drinking until you get the positive test

Stop drinking cold turkey a year in advance

Once you get that positive test back and eventually feel brave enough to announce the good news, then the fun really sets in!

Are you experiencing symptoms? Are they "the right" symptoms? Are their enough symptoms?

Are you still working out? You should really slow down!

Have you gained too much weight? (this one stays with you for the whole 9 months)

Have you lost too much weight?

Are you showing yet? Are you showing too early?

Are you eating organic? Are you still eating sushi? cold cuts? soft cheese?

You can have a sip of wine! You can't have any wine!

Did you pass or fail your glucose test?

Are your feet too puffy? your hands too puffy? your face too puffy?

How is she carrying? Are you "all belly"? or are you kind of all over the place?

Are you going to breastfeed?

Are you going to have an epidural? What will you do if you have to have a C-section? 

Will you use a midwife? Which hospital are you delivering at?

Are you taking a birthing class? What method? Are you doing Bradley?

Are you going to keep working after the baby is born?

And the list of questions...most of which are really poorly disguised judgments...goes on and on and on. It boggles the mind!

At some point, you look in the mirror at a face you barely recognize because you can't quite see your cheekbones anymore, and wonder - at the end of all this, what will my grade be?