My first love is dancing.
I started at the age of 2 and spent more time dancing than sleeping until I graduated from college, 20 years later. I'm more comfortable on a stage than anywhere else in the world; and, when I'm being honest with myself, refusing to pursue a career in performing is my biggest regret. I miss it everyday.
There are things that you can express through movement, that words could never hope to. Dancing teaches you about yourself in a way that few other activities can. It makes you confident and poised, it nurtures the creative, and, if you're lucky (and good), it inspires and moves audiences.
Perhaps my love of dance, and the regret of not following my dream, are what make it so hard to answer questions about my career aspirations....But that is a question of self-discovery for another day...
Today, I want to speak about the beautiful girl in those photographs. Her name is Brittany and she is my guardian angel. God took Brittany from us far sooner than anyone thought, only weeks before her 16th birthday. It felt like a light had gone out on Earth and was now shining in Heaven.
Brittany was an awe-inspiring dancer. It was a pleasure to watch her on stage, and an honor to share it with her. She was a fierce friend, and her goodness resonated from every fiber of her being. She lived, though short, a life full of passion, hard work, and great people who loved her and whom she loved in return.
It will be five years, this August, since that light went out and our lives changed forever. In her honor, the studio where I trained since childhood, has decided to put together an alumni piece to be performed at their annual show on May 10th. I've been asked to participate in the piece, and I'm feeling incredibly apprehensive about it. In addition to the number of things I have scheduled that weekend that conflict with the rehearsals, I have not danced in a year (it just broke my heart to write that) and I'm certainly not in "dancer shape" anymore. It will take a lot to walk back into that studio, where I spent a childhood that now feels so far away, without a feeling of self-consciousness. But I suspect the feeling of unshakable guilt and disappointment, that will come with refusing to dance, is something far more unbearable...
I am at an impasse...do I face the fear of realizing I am no longer a dancer, and take a curtain call to honor my angel, Brittany? Or, do I bow out, gracefully, take my seat as an audience member, and prepare myself to be inspired and moved....?
No comments:
Post a Comment